'These are the experiences that will stay with me for the rest of my life'

Brigid Baker will never forget the heat and dust of Afghanistan.

As an intelligence officer in the Australian Army, she was responsible for gathering intelligence during military operations and providing essential information to commanders. It was a world away from her former life as a high school teacher in Tasmania, and was nothing like the movies.

“Intelligence work is not quite James Bond,” she said.

“You're under an immense amount of stress. You're fatigued. You're working long hours.

“It's my job to think like the enemy, to gather information like the enemy.

“If you get it wrong, ultimately it's your mates that are going out in harm’s way.”

A former army major, Brigid served as a medic and intelligence officer in the Australian Army for 15 years. She had initially joined the Army Reserve in 2002, while studying teaching at university in Hobart. Both of her grandfathers had served, one with the Royal Australian Navy, the other with the British Royal Marines.

“I was at university, in my third or fourth year, and a couple of friends were part of the Army Reserve,” she said.

“I went along to one of the open days … and that's sort of how it all came to be.

“I was a PE teacher, completely removed from anything Defence related, but I had an epiphany one day, and thought I can't sit here and teach for the rest of my life, so before I knew it, I was at Duntroon, and commissioned into Intelligence Corps.”

She deployed to Afghanistan twice, first in 2009 and then again in 2011.

“It was fairly daunting,” she said.

“Up until then, I'd only ever been overseas once before, and that was to the UK to visit family, so it was my first experience of a completely different country where they spoke a different language.

“Everything was incredibly different. You’re landing in a war zone, you’re wide eyed, and you’re trying to absorb everything that’s coming in all at once.

“It’s very overwhelming for the senses, but then your training and your experience kicks in, and you adjust, and you realise what a difference you can make.”

Deploying to Afghanistan was the highlight of her career, but it was not without cost.

“What I saw in Afghanistan, and some of the things that I was exposed to, have had quite a profound effect on me,” she said.

“It's not until afterwards, when everything stops ticking over, that you start to realise what you have seen, what you've been exposed to, and how different that is to the way of life that you're used to.

“There's a few [moments that really stand out]. I can't say all of them are good. But these are the experiences that will stay with me for the rest of my life.

“Some have had a negative impact on my life, and we’re working through that, but there are some that have had a very positive impact.

“There are times when I smile fondly on my time in Afghanistan, and to say that I miss it, I do miss it.

“There's nothing better than being there and doing your job with real-time information and seeing the almost immediate effects that you have.

“That to me was the pinnacle of my career, being able to employ my training, my skills, and the team I had with me, to have the effect that we had.

“There’s a real sense of pride in knowing you had a part to play in that, but nothing was ever an individual effort, it was always the team.

“You sit back and think, ‘Yeah, we made a difference.’ And that’s what we were there for.

“You take the good wherever you can, because sadly, the bad, when it came in, is not pleasant at all.”

In 2017, Brigid was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and depression. 

“I never thought that PTSD would ever happen to me,” she said. “I thought I was somewhat bulletproof.

“I was in work mode, and I was running at 110 miles an hour, but it ended up getting the better of me and there was a bit of a crash and burn, resulting in my medical discharge.”

Brigid was devastated.

“My job was everything,” she said. “I was always going to be in the Army. I was always going to keep doing what I was doing. I was so passionate about it. So when it all came crashing down, and the decision was made for me, it took a while for it to all to sink in. And I was in denial for a long time.”

She was staring at her computer screen, “wondering what on earth I was going to do with myself”, when she saw a link for the Invictus Games, an international sporting event for wounded, injured or ill veterans and active service personal, founded by the Duke of Sussex.

“I thought, ‘What is this Invictus Games?’ And then it all sort of went from there,” she said.

“I applied for Invictus as a bit of a Hail Mary. I basically wrote the application as quickly as I could and put it in an email and closed my eyes and hit send.”

Brigid went on to represent Australia at the 2018 Invictus Games in Sydney in track and field, indoor rowing and powerlifting. She was appointed athletics captain of the Australian team, and won gold in shot put and discus, and bronze in the powerlifting. The following year, she was appointed co-captain of the Australian team at the 2019 Warrior Games in the United States, winning five individual gold medals, as well as a silver in the relay, and a bronze in the adaptive sport of wheelchair rugby.  

“Being selected for the Invictus Games changed me,” she said.

“It's given me a more healthy outlook on life. It's given me goals; something to work towards. But it's also put me in contact with a fantastic group of people, a really supportive network, or what we call our Invictus family. To be around such inspiring people, has helped me realise that we're all in this together and that I'm not on my own anymore.

“I can honestly say that once you take that step and you become involved, you get a whole new perspective on how your limitations are now your greatest strengths, and that you can go out and have a lot of fun, and meet new people. You don't have to be an Olympian. You don’t have to be a Paralympian. You can really just have the opportunity to get in and have a go and really find out what you are actually capable of … not what people say you can't do.”

For Brigid, competing at the Invictus Games was a life changing experience, setting her on a path of wellness, support and camaraderie, bringing long-lasting benefits, and aiding her ongoing recovery. 

“I have no words,” she said.

“I'm a fiercely competitive person. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.  It's definitely something that's been a part of me from a very young age and I don't think it will ever leave me.

“When I was a kid, I was always into athletics … I grew up at the track, spending a lot of time running, jumping, throwing, training. It formed an integral part of who I was, and the drive behind what I do and why I do things.

“Sport has been absolutely integral to my rehabilitation … and Invictus has given so much back to me in terms of my identity.

“You often hear that when a Defence person separates from whichever branch of the military they are in, they feel lost and like they don't belong anymore. They feel like they have lost a part of themselves, and I can say hand-on-heart, that was definitely true of me.

“I didn't know who or what I had become. Before I was Brigid, the army officer, Brigid the intelligence officer. What Invictus gave back to me was a realisation that there are still things out there that I can do and be a part of.

“If you duck when you hear a loud noise or something, people look at you funny in the civilian world, but what Invictus showed me was that there are others out there like me with shared experiences. It provides you with a safe and reassuring place where you can be yourself. You don't have to worry about hiding your tics or your mannerisms or blocking out your triggers. You know you've got people around you who are understanding and compassionate.

 “It's given me the confidence to take the next step into the community in my own time.”

Today, Brigid is a passionate advocate for veterans and the healing power of sport. She participates in both veteran and civilian adaptive sports programs, using her knowledge and skills to help shed light on the challenges, opportunities and possibilities for veterans and current serving members. 

“[Invictus] taught me that I can enjoy and play sport again,” she said.

“It wasn’t so much about ‘winning’, or where I came, it was more about the participation and support, and how far I'd come …

“The medals were just a nice little sprinkle on the top.”

She credits her husband, Clint Baker, a former army sergeant and fellow Afghanistan veteran, and their two daughters for helping her through the difficult times.

“Family is my everything,” she said. “Knowing that I have two little girls who look up to me, and think that I'm their superhero, it helps me focus on what really is important.”

Today, Brigid is proud of her service. She can now visit the Australian War Memorial to remember those who were lost, and explain to her children what people have done, and what they’ve been through.

“It's a very hallowed place,” she said.

“For a long time, I couldn't bring myself to go there, in that I didn't feel like I deserved to be there. It was something I was afraid to go near, but now it’s a place that holds a very special place in my heart.

“I have a number of friends whose names are [on the Roll of Honour], and I've now gotten to a place where I can go and visit, if I’m thinking of a particular person.

“I'm no longer afraid of my own thoughts and feelings about my service, which tend to come up when I go.

 “When one mentions a veteran, the connotation is that it’s an older gentleman, the World War Two vets, the Vietnam vets, the Korea vets, but veterans come in all shapes and sizes … and the battlefield has changed significantly.

“I’m not going to lie; there was a period of time where I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to acknowledge it. I felt shame. I felt guilt. I felt embarrassed.

“And it was quite difficult for me to acknowledge my service.  

“I went from refusing to attend Anzac Day, refusing to acknowledge military things, or even highlight that I was a military member. I wouldn’t even wear my medals. I went so far as to put my medals in a box that I put in another box in a cupboard in a space where I didn't go to; [but] now it's okay. I'm starting to be a little more comfortable, and I'll probably be participating in my first Anzac Day in a number of years this year.

“Becoming involved in Invictus, and being back in that environment, has taught me that I've got nothing to be ashamed about, and that I should have a sense of pride about my service, my time and my achievements.

“Do I have any regrets? Absolutely not. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.”

The Invictus Games begins at The Hague on 16 April 2022. For more information about Invictus Australia, visit invictusaustralia.org

Defence All-hours support line – The All-hours Support Line (ASL) is a confidential telephone service for ADF members and their families that is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week by calling 1800 628 036.

Open Arms – Veterans & Families Counselling Service provides free and confidential counselling and support for current and former ADF members and their families. They can be reached 24/7 on 1800 011 046 or visit the Open Arms website for more information.

DVA provides immediate help and treatment for any mental health condition, whether it relates to service or not. If you or someone you know is finding it hard to cope with life, call Open Arms on 1800 011 046 or DVA on 1800 555 254. Further information can be accessed on the DVA website.